Die Funimation!
by Admiral Senn
Summary: A story of how the DBZ folk save the anime world from the stupidity of the morons at Funimation!


One day during yet another badly dubbed episode of Dragonball Z Goku was sitting around doing nothing at his house during the three years that passed while he was waiting for the androids (Funimation's fault-on Namek "5 minutes" took about 20 episodes, and "three years" took 2 seconds in the android saga. Executives-go figure). On this day Chi-chi was making Gohan study until his brain swelled with information and exploded in a bloody mess on the floor so she could cry over how innocent and sweet he was and then bash his remains to pieces for messing up his room *gasps for breath* when Goku heard a rumbling noise. He thought it was the androids arriving early but it was really his stomach rumbling. He wanted some food so he yelled for his wife to fix dinner. Chi-chi was busy cracking her whip at Gohan's blood puddle so she was sort of ticked off at this and started yelling at him about how ungrateful he was, etc. Goku started to cuss her out, but a Funimation editor popped out of nowhere and said "NO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BECAUSE FUNIMATION IS SCREWED UP! NO LANGUAGE EITHER! ONLY BLOOD AND GUTS!!!" Goku was fuming over this, but then he realized fighting would prolong dinner so he "made up" with Chi-chi.  
  
While this Funimation-censored act was happening, Mr. Satan was screaming at a Funimation Editor that he hated being called Hercule and was chasing him around his house with a 9 millimeter until he ran into a Funimation tree. Elsewhere.  
  
After having senzu bean dust sprinkled on his guts so he could eat dinner, Gohan was peeing outside. As he began relieving himself, a tree appeared out of nowhere right in front of his privates. "(CENSORED BY THE SCREWUPS AT FUNIMATION) IT!!!!!" Gohan shouted. "That's the fifth time today!!"  
  
Narrator-As you can see, everyone in DBZ land was being harassed/bothered/annoyed/yelled at by Funimation screwoffs. They were not happy. They wanted revenge. They needed to aerate their privates when they were in the bathroom. THEY WERE PISSED.  
  
Funimation guy-Ah ah ah! Bad language!  
  
Narrator-Grumble grumble  
  
Funimation guy-What's that?  
  
Narrator-SHUT THE @%$$ UP YOU &($@$& *pulls out gun and blasts the Funimation guy to itty bitty pieces, then starts screaming and goes Super Saiyan in frustration* As I was saying, they were kind of mad. So one night they were all talking together for no apparent reason and this little problem came up. They hatched a plan. It was daring. It was dangerous. It was sexy. It did not involve a Congress intern and had nothing to do with cows. Read on for more.  
  
Bulma said, "Well you boys work too **** hard to be treated like this by those editors. I hate it when stuff happens because of them! I'm always trying to curse when I'm mad and I can't even say ****. (Author's note: I HATE Funimation! Look what they've done to my writing! THEY'VE CENSORED IT!!!) "So you boys go right ahead and do whatever is necessary to kick their-  
  
NARRATOR-Ah HAH! There you are! DIE FUNIMATION GUY!!! *pulls out a bigass gun and blows the guy away with a 90 caliber round* Now I can have uncensored writing!  
  
-asses!"  
  
Suddenly Trunks showed up on the scene in his time machine. "I just came to remind you guys about the androids, okay?" "SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Vegeta snarled at him, jealous of his purple hair. Bulma had an inspiration. "Wait a minute Trunks. I have an idea on how to solve this Funimation problem." She whispers a lot, then winks. "Okay?" "Okay!" shouts everyone except Goku, who is stuffing his face.  
  
  
  
  
  
4:00 a.m. the next morning- Z fighters meet up. Everyone is given a projector device, and several hundred yards of wire. Trunks has his time machine. "Okay, so Goku goes here, Gohan goes to x point niner niner c squared, Mr.Satan goes between those trees and Bulma and Vegeta are going up top. Got it?" "Got it!" "Good."  
  
4:30 a.m.-Everyone goes to their assigned locations around Funimation's main building, where they actually destroy perfectly good episodes of DBZ by using bad dubbing and stupid names and voices. They all set up their projectors at certain points, then they connect them with the wire. Several yards are left over. When everything is connected it creates a giant dome enclosing Funimation headquarters. The remaining wire is wired to the time machine's time apparatus.  
  
5:00 a.m.-Everything is set to go when a Funimation executive drives up in his limo. They were going to ignore him but they were spotted. The editor/executive pulls out a Dumb Animation Cover-up Gun and starts firing it. Goku does instant movement and floats in the air like in the matrix for 5 seconds before blasting the executive into smithereenies. But the executive shot the gun at Trunks right before he died, and he had little fake pairs of underwear that didn't match his movements and moved side to side when he wasn't moving. His pants were gone. Vegeta said, "I may hate his guts but this is even crueler than Frieza was!" He grabbed the gun and reversed its effects. "Oh thank you thank you," said Trunks as he grabbed his father's leg. "SHUT UP AND STOP HANGING ON ME!! I only saved you so I wouldn't have to listen to your screaming."  
  
5:30 a.m.-They activate the Time Machine. The machinery's effects travel through the wires and send the building back in time. The date: 65 million years ago. Dinosaurs were alive but not for long-a comet was on the way. Unfortunately, just as they activated it, my friend's annoying little brother was seen pissing on the building. He had already changed the sign to read F***imation with spray paint and was leaning on the wall to think about what to do next. It's sad, because it was the one time he did something cool in his life.. The building, the annoying brother, and the itty bitty remains of the executive are transported back in time to 2 seconds before the comet hit the earth. The building appeared right on the impact site. It was hit instantly and detonated. As for Nick the annoying brother, a large t-rex ate him after shredding his body right before the impact. He died a quick but painful dual death. The Z fighters and Company cheered when they read scientific reports about dinosaurs and how little film spools kept appearing in the dust.  
  
And so it came to pass that 5 minutes on Namek really was 5 minutes and 2 years took more than 2 seconds. And no more fake American money or writing or trees ever mysteriously appeared again, and when someone was naked, little fake underwear didn't show up, they stayed naked! The End.  
  
Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! Die Funimation! 


End file.
